Driving back to work thoughts are running wild in my head. How can I think of anything else? How can I function with "the" results looming. All I could think was, "I am healthy", "I am fairly young", "I enjoy life", " I don't want cancer". I went back to work. I work at a medical school that trains students going into the healthcare profession(mostly nurses). Most of the teachers here are nurses. I had talked with them about the findings, the ultrasound, the mammogram, and the biopsy. I could tell they were concerned. I am close with several of my co workers. The looks, the hugs, the silent concern was more than I could handle. I Somehow I managed to get through the day. The students did not know anything- that was calming. Outside I was the same person, inside I was a bundle of nerves.
I went home, It is still Jan. 4, 2022. As the year started I wanted a fun, stress free year. That chance seems to be dwindling. I layed in bed that night, not much sleep. No crying.....I don't usually do that! I have 3 boys I have to be strong.
Let me talk a minute about the 3 wonderful humans who made me a mom......
Mason, my oldest, is 28. He is married to Maggi. These two met at Louisiana Tech University. He was a baseball player and she was a cheerleader. Mason is somewhat serious and very driven. Maggi will light up any room she walks into. Together, they are a wonderful balance. Mason and Maggi graduated from college and stayed in Louisiana. They have a wonderful friend group and are enjoying life.
Griffin, my middle son, is 24. He just graduated from University of Texas at San Antonio, where he also played baseball. Griffin has moved back home to complete his masters in accounting. He has a job in Dallas upon completion of his degree. Griff is structured, driven, loyal and studious. He is dating a wonderful young lady, whom he met at Mason's wedding. She happens to be Maggi's best friend from high school.
Easton is my youngest son. He is 16, as of 12/31. Easton is carefree, fun and very athletic. He is a fabulous baseball player and an all state football player in Texas.
All I can think of is if the results are bad.....I can't change these boys' lives. I want them to be happy and not worry about me. I want them to be who they are now, always........I don't want cancer or sickness to taint their view of the future.
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